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My New Year’s Resolutions
None. They are stupid.
There’s nothing like a good New Year’s resolution to set yourself up for failure. If you were going to do it, you would have done it already. Next year isn’t going to present you with new strength, a new personality, or new anything. It’s just another day.
No, I will not give up chocolate. I love dark chocolate. It’s good for me, because it’s high in antioxidants. I would not be a better person if I gave it up. I would be unbearable.
No, I will not quit smoking. I have been smoking since I was sixteen; that’s 55 years ago. According to statistics, I should have died last Thursday. 20 years ago. I have lived with husbands who smoked and husbands who didn’t. I smoked very little the first time I was pregnant, and the baby was born a month early and weighed 4 lbs. 13 oz. I said screw it the second time and smoked a pack and a half a day. The baby was two weeks early and weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz. I smoked around them. They are 48 and 45, healthy, and make me smoke outside at their houses. Neither of them smoke.
No, I will not promise to lose weight. I weigh 10 pounds more now than I did all through high school. Since I’m 71, that’s not bad. I think it’s the chocolate that helps.
No, I will not promise to eat healthier. I throw in a vegetable or two once in a while. I…
